Monday, March 20, 2006

Bubba and Buck(Green) Teeth Johnson

Most mountain kids didn't really fit in the big town High School very well. The only class I did feel at home in was the "Future Farmers of America". It was mostly made up of ranch kids and I felt a little more accepted by them.
Like all of the FFA kids, I developed a taste for "Skoal". Skoal is a wintergreen flavored chewing tobbacco. Like all groups of kids we had one who was the worst moocher that ever lived. His name was Buck Teeth Johnson. I don't remember what his real name was , but I couldn't print it if I did remember.
He had a habit of grabbing cokes out of our hands and taking big swiggs before we could get it back.
One ill-fated day I decided to break him of the practice. I had drank all of the coke and still had half of a cup of ice. I used it for a while as a spittoon. I think there must have been a half a cup of tobbacco juice in the cup.
I can see the wheels turning in your mind...No I didn't offer him a drink, but the jerk grabbed it out of my hand and turned it up. He then proceeded to vomit all over the street. It was followed by a long bout of foul words that I can't print. I almost had to break his face to shut him up.
Most normal people would have stopped mooching about then, but not old Buck Teeth.
He also had a habit of bumming big pinches of Skoal. That practice went on as long as I could could remember.
Since I had a chore of milking the family cow each morning, it wasn't long before I came up with a final cure for old Buck Teeth. I picked up a fist full of dried cow manure and crumbled it into a half of can of Skoal. It was about a good 50-50 mix.
The next day Buck Teeth came bumming a chew. I always carried the can in my shirt pocket, and he would always grab it out and help himself to a big chew.
This time I told him that I had another can in my hip pocket, and encouraged him to just keep the can.
He was glad and didn't seem to notice the difference. That has lot to say about the taste of Skoal, doesn't it!!!
The only difference was it turned old Buck Teeth's teeth kind of a greenish color. Didn't do much for his breath either.
Usually Skoal would turn our teeth a bit brownish, but certainly not cow-poop green.
It took him a couple of days before someone, who couldn't stand it any longer, finally told him what I had done.
I had to carry a baseball bat around for weeks.
By the way..I graduated to Copenhagen Snuff after I got out of High School.
I just happen to have a can in my shirt pocket if you would like a little pinch.
Just hav'n fun!!( that really did happen)

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