Monday, March 20, 2006

Bubba and Buck(Green) Teeth Johnson

Most mountain kids didn't really fit in the big town High School very well. The only class I did feel at home in was the "Future Farmers of America". It was mostly made up of ranch kids and I felt a little more accepted by them.
Like all of the FFA kids, I developed a taste for "Skoal". Skoal is a wintergreen flavored chewing tobbacco. Like all groups of kids we had one who was the worst moocher that ever lived. His name was Buck Teeth Johnson. I don't remember what his real name was , but I couldn't print it if I did remember.
He had a habit of grabbing cokes out of our hands and taking big swiggs before we could get it back.
One ill-fated day I decided to break him of the practice. I had drank all of the coke and still had half of a cup of ice. I used it for a while as a spittoon. I think there must have been a half a cup of tobbacco juice in the cup.
I can see the wheels turning in your mind...No I didn't offer him a drink, but the jerk grabbed it out of my hand and turned it up. He then proceeded to vomit all over the street. It was followed by a long bout of foul words that I can't print. I almost had to break his face to shut him up.
Most normal people would have stopped mooching about then, but not old Buck Teeth.
He also had a habit of bumming big pinches of Skoal. That practice went on as long as I could could remember.
Since I had a chore of milking the family cow each morning, it wasn't long before I came up with a final cure for old Buck Teeth. I picked up a fist full of dried cow manure and crumbled it into a half of can of Skoal. It was about a good 50-50 mix.
The next day Buck Teeth came bumming a chew. I always carried the can in my shirt pocket, and he would always grab it out and help himself to a big chew.
This time I told him that I had another can in my hip pocket, and encouraged him to just keep the can.
He was glad and didn't seem to notice the difference. That has lot to say about the taste of Skoal, doesn't it!!!
The only difference was it turned old Buck Teeth's teeth kind of a greenish color. Didn't do much for his breath either.
Usually Skoal would turn our teeth a bit brownish, but certainly not cow-poop green.
It took him a couple of days before someone, who couldn't stand it any longer, finally told him what I had done.
I had to carry a baseball bat around for weeks.
By the way..I graduated to Copenhagen Snuff after I got out of High School.
I just happen to have a can in my shirt pocket if you would like a little pinch.
Just hav'n fun!!( that really did happen)

Saturday, March 11, 2006


It seems that a lot of folks don't know what "jowls" are.
They are small slabs of bacon that are taken from the jaw-area of a fat pig, instead of the ribs.
Now, everyone knows! I'll bet you woke up this morning wondering what "jowls" were.
If you stick with me, you'll be wearing silk shorts.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Bubba and the "SMOKED PIG JOWLS"

Last week my owner and I were lumbering through the "meat counter" at the local grocery store, when low and behold, I spotted a fresh supply of smoked jowls.
This was the first time I had seen jowls in a lot of years.
I excitedly yelled, "Look Hon, they have jowls!" I went on to rant and rave about how good they were in a big pot of beans.
She picked up two packages of them and off we went. I don't think she had ever seen them before, but my enthusiasm must have convinced her that they were a prize worth having.
A couple of days ago she put the big cast-iron pot on the top of the fireplace, dumped in a ton of beans along with a slab of the jowls. She threw in a fist full of garlic and stoked up the fire.
It wasn't long before the whole house was filled with the smell of those stinky smoked jowls and beans. I would have thought that the jowls wouldn't be much different than the ham-hocks that she usually used. Not so!!
I was informed that this would be twice that she would cook jowls. The first time and the last time.
I ate a big bait of them and they took affect just about bed-time. I almost wound up sleeping in the basement! She was no happy camper!
Today I went outside and got the big pot of jowls and beans. She had put them on the porch and they were frozen solid. I managed to cut off a big chunk with a knife, and put them on the stove to heat them up. That stunt was met with a loud volley of "bad smelling jowls" insults.
I had to finish heating them in the micro-wave to cut down the time of smelling up the house again.
While I ate my prize, she wandered around the house with a can of that smelly "room deodorant", spraying it all over the place. It was better than me eating outside, which was the other option.
She is now threatening to take the other package back to the store. This is what happens when one weds a city girl.
I shared this to inform the fellers that when they decide to take a wife, to be sure to find out how they feel about jowls before they take the big plunge.
By the way, those old jowls and beans were good, and in case you were wondering...I have the old basement warmed up for a long winter nights rest. :{
It just doesn't get much better than this!